All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

at least i can say i tried

the last time i was sick, it was rather baddd.. maybe it was the travel or maybe it was just mental. lets see thanks to my bro, i'm sick too. rofl... he was dwn the entire of last week and it didnt really look good on him, and when he was recovering, he did nothing really thoughful but nicely spread the virus to me. well i guess after narrowly escaping falling sick once was enough, it was time i really fell sick.

it was on tueday, day two of my bro's sickness that i felt i was falling sick, syntoms such as cough and sneezing showed, i still went to sentosa and played in the scorching sun, which actually sustained me for another lets see 5 days? and then sunday i was really feeling lousy. rather lousy, and when i say i was going to fall sick. i sure was. thats one part of myself i know well. sunday nite was horrid, in totallity, with no fever, but the syntoms of fever. scary enough it was like that. i was cold and with my head being sensitive, i was sure i was dwn. i went to bed near 930 and tried to slp, waking up almost half an hourly to the horrors of hillucinations and dreams, dreams that wasnt as bad as the last time i was sick thou. and with hillucinations i was sure i had a fever, took the darn thermometer, guess what, no fever! and still... so it continued the whole darn nite... without proper rest without good slp... badddd... haha... i even know what time my bro woke and everything that happened that morning lah...

that day i very much wanted to repeat an entry that i had previously, refer to july 17 and july 18 post. the last time i was sick, until i recieved a phone call and following it, several smses. i guess these smses did help in my recovery. hahah.. thanks people!!! u know who u are.. :) hence i scraped the idea of repeating that post and thought about somethings...

well although many things that i have done many have gone unnoticed, may be unappreciated, or may have even been degraded by my own words of 'no-lah's.. it is these few people who shows their care and concern, it is these people that showed their appreciation, their intentions to help that actually, makes it all worth-while. makes me able go that extra mile. makes me continue do the things that i do anyhow... it is these people that actually push me on and no matter how much i've felt unappreciated, it is just being overwhelmed by these, and i'd really like to thank YOU!! thank God a million for you!!! :)

i couldnt sleep at all last nite, fell aslp only at about 4, yeah i know its bad, esp when i'm sick and stuff, but i dunno whats wrong with my body, being cold and sweating and hot and shivering, having 4 different types of temperatures on one body, like what people say about melbrone where there are 4 seasons in a day, it still feels horrid with my skin being sensitive, but well i guess the worse thing about being sick is not about how the body feels, or how much hillucinations i get, but for me i guess its the loneliness that i feel i guess. with the immobility and the disconnection from the world, it makes me feel really bad for such things to happen. maybe thats the only reason why u hate falling sick.

many events that i have to give a miss, for example, IBS for CF, meeting for camp, reccee trip to camp venue, so many things. and also going dwn to office to help mas out. she needs like so much help and i m so stuck at home. i havent seen the sun for 2 days, hahah... thats very bad i guess... having to lie in bed covering my body with a blanket for a moment only to remove it as i m sweating and then putting it on as i m cold... brrr.. it really gets irritating doesnt it...?

last nite i recieved a called from church.. nite mare almost came true. hahah... it was regarding the sound mixer, well come cheap near 5 fig stuff lah. and it was said that one side was spoilt. i almost jumped outta bed after slping a good near 2 hours after a long struggle to doze off. gosh i really wonder how i could actually push myself to do the troubleshooting in that condition of a weak mind, body and tried-ness. no it wasnt spoilt!!! PTL!!! :)

dont worry whats yours will always be yours, especially if its your sufferings, i could help you suffer it for now, but not forever.

and as tears caress my cheeks, lookin at where it ended, where did it actually end?

oh wells i hope i can recover fast.. fast fast fast... bleah... soon soon... when this stupid just gets off my body and my head.. when the headache fades... when my insomnia is healed. hahah... i really cant fall aslp no matter how tired i m, i have no voice to talk on the phone. the throat just got worse, and thats not supposed to happen!

now i know why the response was such a strong no need as i read into it. but u didnt really know what i was going thru either, but it doesnt really matter much either. all i can say is that at least i tried..

think i shall go rest now...

why do i smell such a strong aroma of vinegar?
ta de chu ni dou yao ci?

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 9:37 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.