All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

so my eyes opened

this is a rather interesting read

i was actually just bored searching for the differences between catholism and christianity, which to my disappointment had turned our rather bad as i read views written by both christian and catholic writers. both which were totally biased and untrue of each other, like the christians disbelief in the sacrements and holy communion, and the catholics being er.... nvm lah... so i couldnt really agree totally with one another, and putting the both together for the good sides were also rather warped. i really didnt want to take much of a stand to point out any one wrong, but i took the one of the link that is above, something that actually brought be back to a part of my walk with God that i could say that i was Christian, not lutheran nor methodist or angelican. for i had stands agains the differences btw the denominations. when it came to catholism i just kept the shut, i really didnt know what to say. oh wells, its for God to decide, its is just some principles that i find it hard to accept from them.

this week hasnt really started off good or anything, due to the fact maybe that sch is starting next week and i m half way thru my planning and also starting from scratch for my friday activity (event would be a nice word to use) haha... the other problem is that the feeling of nostalgia has hit me really hard, even like going downstairs, i think of my days back in sji, bring be back to the time where i couldnt wait for sch to start on the week before sch, that sense of belonging, that sight of the clowns and the good friends, the trip to sch, everything was just so enjoyable, even the studying could get after rotting for sooo long at home, the feeling of just going back to sch was just so incredible. and the smell of holiday when i went downstairs, i just missed sji a whole lot, like i miss my own home after being away from it for too long a time. i miss sji.

and now, everything's different, sch isnt much of an enjoyable place, studying is a chore, there isnt any thing to look forward to, nothing! when it used to be all boys, where friends were the ultimate reason why we go to sch, where it was the company, it was just guys. when gals were introduced to us after graduation, they were supposed to become a greater force that made us want to go to sch, with a million and one above average lookin girls in NP, i just guess it becomes more like a hinderence for me to go to sch. they are all but people that we look at and there isnt actually a friendship that is built, even in my class, with the friends that i have, it doesnt really give me any special longing to go to class and have fun, where there are some bastards who can just overwhelm the atmosphere with their shit and annoyance, making no room for peace and fun. oh wells this is all a different place already, there isnt much in NP for me to miss even after 3 years when i leave i dare say, where unlike CJ where i miss that place so much at this point of time after being there for 3 months, it had made much of an impact on me, where the friends were great and the place was nice...

i guess i must, for now, get myself outta that arts fac boy mentality, where everyone has a sensitive touch, guys are allowed to crack jokes and crack bones while crying together and saying to each other i miss you dude, being able to have heart to heart talks about issues and indepth analysis of everything and anything under the sky. yeah just call me sissy boi... oh whatever.

did i tell you that my sai low and jae bought something for me? a pencil box from the wallet shop, so sweet right? wrong! hahaah.. ok lah, its sweet, just that the words that are in pink is large across the front and reads "you go gal", and its agains a black background, yeah i m going to use it no matter what lah, hahaha... who cares anyway? haha.. ;)

oh yeah now i recall, there are some people who owes me money, and its for someone's bdae pressie, no wonder i was so broke at marche that day lah... hmmm... oh wells nvm lah, i shall absorb the cost for this time, and while the people that owes me money not know who they are, but said that they have a share in the pressie afterall. its ok... :)

its not the person who loves deeply that is at fault while getting hurt at the end, but the person who is on the other end recieving it, for God told us to love everyone, and there is no one to chose to love or not, but the person who is recieveing it hurts the giver when it is not appreciated, with it is by-passed, when s/he doesnt see that..

i wonder frequently, if this is my blog, then why m i stopping myself from saying some things, writing and deleting things that i find inappropriate to place dwn here, finding it hard so post it for the entire world to see, while i try to please people, while i try to appease my audience that they wouldnt be hurt by my words, or find out some things that they arent supposed to, oh wells, there always are barriers in us, secrets that will be kept from the world for a long long time. i'd live life that way... my way, GOd's way!

so smile, that everlasting smile.. whoever its for, im happy

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 10:23 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.