All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

everyone has a beautiful side
its a matter of wanting to show it anot

well just some thoughts in on the way home earlier, then i'll carry on with my post fully.

for all of us were made in the image of God and none of us were born to evil and trouble makers, we all do have what it takes to do good, our hearts were once pure, before we were born into this world of deception and evilness. when we couldnt really understand. our minds were innocent, not filled with evil plots, we are all victims of circumstances. confucious' man's inert most being is evil is such a lie. since we were made in God's image, it was always God's plan for us to love each other, to do good to each other, it was never in His intent that we harm one another.

attention seeker

yesh i do admit that i m an attention seeker. not surprising eh? maybe its just the fact that i m not easily contented with what i have that makes me feel that way, but im sure everyone does agree with that fact that it does feel good with people startin to show their concern and/ or even gives u attention with that. people get it in many ways, some do all the good things, but i guess its only when u are very very very good that people give u some attention, or when u are jsut bad when people gives u all the attention. not many people can name the 5 best people in the world, and if i do exclude mother theresa, i doubt many would go pass 1. so lets change to the 20 top hated people in the world. Osama being excluded still there's still bn$h (ooops) and many others.

recently, i've picked up a bad habit, the disappearing act. where i just disappear, take leave, dun appear with a reason. guess i should learn the one that just fly aeroplane without warning and reason. maybe that should do the job better. what im getting at is this very simple stuff. when u do not appear for a certain something, people questions you about ur disappearence, u get to talk for once, to say something, to get that attention from that certain someone, it feels good doesnt it? so what should we do? dun give them the attention at all? might something more drastic result from that? where the person actually does something more intense so that he could get the attention he wants? oh my im digressing, back to myself. usually people do the things that are bad, and with the attention they get, be it good or bad, they still like it. i like failing my exams, cos that causes my parents to scold me.. wahhaha... actually no i dun like doing so -_-. anyway, be it a positive of negative effect, the attention is still given, thinkin that after doing so much good things that pleases their parents, or the people that they want attention from, doesnt really cause much of a result, compared to those who are always giving problems, then why not try their method that would be giving the other party more attention, love, care and concern that he deserves?

ok i again m not talkin about myself. but then, well usually it back fires, it causes more damage then love care and concern that the person is looking for. maybe it would be a temporary solution, but cos it works the first time, the negative actions are being encouraged, worse, it is being increase, testing the limits, trying to see how far it can go, and how much more attention is being given. thats when it really back fires. as what they say, you cant have good things too often. it gets up on people's nerve, ur character is then being compromised, just for that lile attention.

but then sometimes, its good to have people show their care and concern for you. that lile moments that can really be treasured, that lile moments that lighten up your day. and everyone then thinks that since it shall be scarce, the person would already have his or her lile dosage of that appreciation or attention, hence the poor person actually then gets none again. well i really dunno.

im much of a happy person

im sure God gave me my sabatical now for a great reason! so that i could see eudora, talk to her, and be greatly encouraged.. one person so on fire for God, one person who lights up my eyes when i read her emails. one person that could proudly proclaim Jesus in her emails to all her contact list inclusive of her teachers and non christian friends. one person who could write essays about God and all the abstract stuff about God and hand it up as a work piece for sch. one person i admire so much, her love and passion for God, far surpasses what i m, where i m, what i can imagine. her passion for God could jsut spread like wild fire when she talks to you about God. even when she is dwn, even when she has hit a stone, she can just praise God. it jsut reminds me greatly of God.

sunday was jsut great, spent so much time with the whole group of ymm youths, with them i'd jsut go crazy as usual, with her there, i was jsut listening, she was jsut so encouraging, so inspiring, God had used her so greatly in my life, i dare say i felt so small when i talked to her. haha.. we exchanged emails frequently in the past, where my emails were loooong, longer than my entries, and her emails were long. almost as long as mine, sometimes longer even. and thru the last year, i lost that form of communication that i knew i needed badly... thou i slpt late, i was too tired, to drained to actually type out an email to her. my mistake, it brought me even lower, with no one there to encourage me, my hands were very tired, yet i had to run 3 races together. now, she keeps nagging me for my mails, haha.. really thank God for that..

how when anyone talks to her, maybe in the past too, u'd never really notice what she has got inside her, she reminds me of chels, that over-reactin, whinny(ooops), "lile gal" hahaha.... sorry chels... but so strong, so so strong a relationship with God, something that cannot be faked out at all, its like someone who has God by her mouth 24/7..

yeah i know i have a whole 3 paragraphs of her in one entry, no one person had even one paragraph of that length to him or herself.. wheee... haha.. cept for God thou, but thats how wow she is lah... but too bad i aint really seeing her anymore, she's soon going back to aussie, well well.. will really miss her, the last time i saw her face to face was 3 years ago!!! haha... well hope to see her real soon. i hate good byes... so wells.. shant be sending her off anyway.. wells... :)

so this year, lets see, i couldnt wait for last year to end actually, did i say that in the last entry? it meant to me many things for the start, myself. i feel old now, haha.. many things, i cant wait to adandon my seventeen year old life for a brand new eighteen year old life with many more things installed for me. the entire lifestlye that i was stuck in will be undergoing an entire change. eighteen, a very big number, i still feel so young, immature for this age.

when i was sixteen, i felt that i grew too fast, way too fast, at seventeen, i fell dwn, retarded growth, now going eighteen, i dun think i m ready for it, it feels like im going thru a crisis of some sort, where i m going thru the things that people tend to go thru when they are called adolescents, at 15 or 16, instead of it being 18, it feels funny for it to be here, maybe the retardation did bring me back to the place where i missed and is bringing me thru this whole problem, wish id never needed to actually go thru it, jsut let it pass for formalities sake. get over and done with it, hope it'd be over when im 18. eighteen, what a nice number, a number divisible by 3, 6 and 9... not bad....

anyway i had a lot to type about, its its late already, mum was pissed that i got home late today after going out with the ymmers again... haiz... but i know i was in the wrong too, havent been studying and all, yeah its no wonder why she's actually pissed lah.. hehe... and i reached back at 11.. like bang.. too late for a sch day with no studying after 4 weeks of sch.. hello!!! haha..

this term i shall keep off the com after 10. online maybe, laptop closed, music on, books open, pen in hand, study!!!!!! cheong!!!! i have to liao.. if not i will really flung my subs.. i really need a gpa of 3.5 and above this sem, cant afford any lower like last sem.. really bad... i must must msut!!!!! with God's help.. :)

Jesus freak

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:51 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.