All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Saturday, January 29, 2005

studying makes me sad,
studying makes me selfish

oh my, studying is really turning me to a melancholic, sad nut case. i have no idea why, but im jsut feeling sad, dwn and sad.

had some fun today, went to eat good food from morning till nite. well i'll share with you what i did at nite. was really much fun and much catchin up, but after leaving, i just felt really sad again. maybe its the meetin up with good buddies and the memories that comes along with it.

so i met up with my best friend at cwpt, it was a last min decision to meet up anyway, and we didnt know what to eat, so we looked at the pasar malam and euraka! haha.. we decided to walk into the pasar malam for dinner, so we bought ramly burger and a jap pizzza and sat at a nearby parapet to eat, haha.. (thou we looked a lile gay doing that) but it was fun, no crowd that scared both of us, no need for aircon in the naturally air conditioned environment, and we had a good time talkin, so we finished satisfied and decided to go for round two. looked around and couldnt really find anything else to eat, instead we went to value and got a couple of drinks, cheap cheap.. haha... and then walked around for a while before feeling a lile hungry and ready to go back for round 3, the drinks considered round two, with m&ms. looked at shoes and any every other thing.

headed back and chicken wings bbq-ed in sambal *slurp* was nex on our list, so we waited for it, and waited, and waited. and another friend of ours, best friends too lah, since KINDERGARTEN OK?! haha.. joined us after a while, but before he came, we got our chicken wings, and guess what....? yeah it was nice, the sambal was mouth watering, but it wasnt cooked!!!! so we complained and changed for another one, i think we waited for a good 20 more minutes, and so we walked around talkin and teasin the other guy that came late. :) hahah.. anyway, the chicken came, wasnt that baddd, the sambal was still very good, but the chicken was mediocre, anyway it wasnt a read charcoal stove that would add the burnt flavor to it and it wasnt seasoned i guess. so dissatisfied with the wing we went for deepfried drumstick. haha... then we rang our bells, pocket called. haha... so walked cwpt again and talked, oh we bought something very cool, it was those rubber ball that had something inside that would start flickering after it was hit, the two of us played with it like lile children facinated over a new toy. haha.. as we walked cwpt the two of them met friends while we were playing with it. blame it on our deprived childhood then. :) we caught a lot of attention of children, guess we also achieved what we set out to do, attention seekin big babies. hahaha.. and there was this really cute gal in particular who went wahhhh eat time we hit it and the lights come up. hahaha.. she was purely facinated and green with envy, haha.. so i offered mine to her and she said no... :( felt to rejected, ahhahaha... btw the gal's only like 6 years old? hahah.. im no pido, and so we went to ntuc and bought some yogart to eat, went to my friend's block and sat there with our new toy, in the dark, and started chatting away. :) really miss those people. ok the toy had some water inside so it was nice to press and then the light thingy was in the middle cover with rubber, so yeah mine had a hole and it started leakin and :( like piss liddat lah... oh wells, so we peeled the ball out and i gave it to my friend. made our way to his house and sat there and had a good chat. haha.. had a great time, really great time.. :)

so well after all the fun and all the eating, i come home, heavy hearted, looks at the books and m not able to start with it at all. its been a while since i studied, its been a while since i studied so hard. i guess its the tiredness that sets in. the point that i didnt really slp much at nite so that i could concentrate on studeying and then the part that my dad wants us not to waste away the morning by wakin up so late. yeah he's the type that if he doesnt see u studying u arent studying, if he catches u just once playing game, u were playing game all the while type. assumptions that makes an ass of me.. totally! anyway, yeah the lack of slp puts me into a mood that i dun really like, my mind moves fast, i think too much, ironically, and i get really sensitive and person, yeah the me when i have not enough rest, just blame me for not studying much with all the camps in place. studying really sucks the energy outta us and is destructive. haha... oops..

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its hard when u think u have done something good and beneficial for someone and yet the person takes a slant to it and doesnt treasure the info given to the person. sometimes what is intrusion into privacy is just so simple, yet some people, wantin so much to protect it is unable to honor it themselve, they are a disgrace to their own kind, the kind the self proclaims aloud about privacy and personal space, freedom, yet hypocritically they indulge themselves with gossip and tales, with other peoeple's thoughts and feelings. its a shame of what the world has become, what singapore, a supposedly cultured country and a supposedly matured country has become, making people without integrity, hyprocritical, selfish, void of sensitivity to others, compassionless. that is the singapore of u today, that was once proclaimed with pride our services and courtouesy, tell me more about it man...

education, the supposed thing that will solve a country of poverty, yes thats true, education with morals and ettiques, look what education has done to singaporeans? money hungry power hungry, cert hungry, oh someone please tell me that i m wrong, so that u can open up ur eyes to the real world out there, open ur eyes to see what is true of this country that has made it big, the country that was saved from the hands of poverty by the 'salvation' of education. education in itself wasnt wrong, but with what? with history and geog, maths and science, eng and chi? what morals does these teach about anyway? only teach us how to do well and make it big. a country for elitist, the well educated, while the rest who have low memory capacity are left out. education is good. its a matter of education the country provides, the system of things. haiz...

its like when my right hand wants to take this apple, the only way to stop it is to cut it... and i cant afford to take that apple now... not at all...

yeah it does hurt to stop those feelings from coming, if only i knew an easier way, hell no would i want to bring it back. ir only the right hand wasnt outta control.

and on her lips will be God, always.

why so down cast oh my soul

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:25 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.