All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Saturday, April 23, 2005

its all so wrong and I know it

this unfamiliar feelin comes again and hit me. (Ironically, again and unfamiliar isn't all so politically correct in that sense; and so is love I guess. Love isn't politically correct at all.) but i guess love isnt all too political. its harmful to the mind to have access time to be thinkin about all other things that is supposedly outta your mind by now, or at least, not so important. not like church or God or friends, or sch to that matter of 'important'. it isnt all too healthy to me. with all these not-so-good things happening in my live, or lets say, the last three days~ (or so)..

and suddenly, my conscience struck me (thats if i have one to start off with) that i have been on a spend spree for quite a while and its time to start stopping, ok i mean, to stop. which is rather visually impossible with what is already happening. so then maybe i'll go work or something the nex semester's holidays. whatever it is, i'll have to do something to start supporting the lifestyle (reckless one) that i m living. its not goood! i swear when i start driving, i'll wreak the car (God forbid i pray), which has appearently come back from the workshop after failing earlier in the day. and then i started BORROWING books conveniently from the library instead of dropping by kino and picking a book thats rather, oh wells nevermind about the type, just buying a book is enough a thought. so borrowin is now the in thing! next would then me the simple CDs and the comics. i love the artist that is drawin the two books that i m so into, s/he takes about a darn month just to get one book out, so its really not tooooo bad in that sense. CDs, i can always rely on my friends with the originals and my very goood freerip prog, wahahahah... anyway there are a plenty of other things that i have to worry about financially, so to sum it up, im jsut a pooor brat off the straits of singapore. (and many people would say they to live off the straits, singapore is soooo tiny)

well the past two days werent really worth a mention, just lotsa free time with a screwed time table that i created for myself due to last min changes that made me reallllllllly idle. so, i let my mind run wild... and then i start thinkin.. thats how my previous post came up i guess, with God in mind, and then dont mind me sayin this, but i kept thinkin of you-know-i-know-you-dont-know-who. -shit head-.

so lets move on to today, and lets skipp the parts that werent all to friendly to the eyes of my dearest entertained. (or to whom i may refer to, GOd knows who, i dont). i was at ps for a good amount of time, readin my newly BORROWED boook, (its also the first time i borrowed one, which shows how much i actually do read, please im proud that i started!!!) and read off the first 5 chapters of office politikin and insane publishers tryin to make their way up the ladders and oh whatever; its just interesting to see half the real world of happenings in ur hands, thats all. and then i made my way to tramphet praise, i almost killed myself there AGAIN! its pretty simple. CD - nice, boook - interesting, songs - beautiful, God - all deserving, tramphet praise - commercial, mark - broke. that didnt really make a very good combination of words actually. i almost, had my fingers running thru the book and the CD, which i cant really find in any other lib or music store. i was in there for such a long time, i dare say that the store keeper was giving me the funny look when i headed towards the entrance cum exit, hell yeah! i couldnt stand stayin there any longer, i would surely have bought something, esp after mount zion closed at causeway, i was 'desperate'. hahaha...

so i headed to zone x to see this guy whack drummania like a maniac. perfect 80% of the time with the fasted tempos that i could hardly catch with my eyes on the screen, anywya i had problems with the colors of those things in the screen. so i would hav problems identifyin which one i was supposed to hit... badddddd... anyway it wasnt sooo any exciting, so shall skipppp ok made my way all arnd dhouby ghaut mrt, really doing nothing, and there are about 40? or was it 400 cctvs in that whole darn thing, so i guess they must be wondering what that siao di di was doing walkin all around dg mrt.. haha... so met zihao when he was with this friends goinc to asics shop to get his ssc stuff done, so waited outside the shop and listened to my music to pass time, looked and observed people that were going around the entire shopping mall, seeing lotsa SA students around, haoz from SA too anyway, just to dig at him. whahahha...

seeing a lot of j1s meeting their 1st three mnths friends, which uniforms colored white and blue and grey and white and beige...

i can see colors k! so we made our way to macs for a cheap whack, 1.95 valueddddd burgers, not that valued after all.. went to hotel rendezvous, coffee club, had coffee to get high on, cheese cake, (something somewhat) a muddy mud pie, wasnt all to muddy mud pie that we expected, was chocolate ice cream, and only the bisket at the bottom satisfied the pie part. so yeah. and so i got high.......

we were rather mischievous, wanted to pull a fast one on the waitresses, but didnt, then we wanted to find out a name of the beer that they were serving, a german brand, couldnt remember how it was spelt anyway, and then the lady was so nice to tell us that well its beer and im afraid that i wont be able to serve you too, haoz was in SA house tee with SAINTS imprinted on the back in bold with a hallow... blah blah blah... so i went you can serve me, not him, and she gave me that doubtful sly loook... ouch! i didnt know that i was, like, underage? so i assured with the im of age but i'd give it a miss thingy. ahaha.. anyway, we wanted to settle the bill. hillarious, he went, i'll pay for it, i had my back directly in front of the counter, then i turn, he still bet me, and was holdin his NETs, and to our surprise, no NETS accepted. hehehe... so i went master? hahaha... yay! ;) but that naughty boi paid still..

had much fun with him, at least i helped him get things off his mind, and he too, helped me get things off my mind, and i was outta contact for a while, how i wish i could be outta contact for not just only A WHILE. but then again, i would just go on thinkin and thinkin about you-know-i-know-you-dont-know-who... mmmm... i somewhat like that phrase and say it just for the sake of saying it. sounds good anyway. ;) oh and its politically wrong to use the word say, its type. what-ever...

whats lost can never be gained back at times, and only when u lose it then will u treasure it, sometimes its too late, or maybe its all in God's timing.

and i know, i transgressed, with no atonement for my transgressions, with no forgiveness offered, with no grace shared, with no love poured out, just blood flowing from that wounds, pain from those lips it speaks, and sadness that those eyes speak of.

they say that there is always a second chance in live, i guess it ran out, didnt it?

will someone stop my heart from wandering?

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 2:10 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.