All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Sunday, May 08, 2005

the many'th title

miss the feeling of heated liquid gushin through my eyes.

i dont know, its been a while since i cried or teared or whatever. pain, sadness, im not void of it. but i just cant cry. i need help? theraputic help? then. suddenly, emotions surge, (maybe the absense of it) i tear, that hot liquid over my pupils... sensational. but i wonder again. why did i tear. and not even a drop, emotionally charged, would follow that. only emotionally charged tears feel hot.

i m weird.

physically, mentally, emotionally. maybe everyone is the same, its just that we force ourselves to conform to a normal thinkin, or just hide it, mostly conforming sooner or later. or, it is accepted into society gradually, and then by large, has the power to conform the society. ok now its about me. as i said i m weird. first i can say that my face is almost virgin to pimples. haha.. but then, pimples grow on really weird places. had one on my earLOPE, one under my ear, one under my eyelid, a distance off. one above my lip. one at the tip of my nose, which i heard is quite common. i get bruises on my body, or pains with no bruises, and not knowing how it comes about. mann, im weird! i touch a heated object and it take me, a few seconds to feel the heat? like what the hell?! then mentally. i can feel the pain. then ask myself again if it was pain, then as certain as it was there, it had gone. but the thing causing the pain still there. mmmmm... i think weirdly. i can have a two sided opinion so strongly against each other. i dont even know who i m. when u have two very strong contradicting opinions at once, and think too strong about it. you get a split mentality. its dangerous. then emotionally. i dont know. haha...

her smile that transcends a warmth into my blood.

love, its unexplainable. unconditional love, love without reason. someone asked me why i loved my mother. bet its the toughest question anyone could answer. cos she bore you in her womb? was that the total explination? no. there is no reason as to why i love my mother. and there is also no reason why i love my family and my oldest sister so much. i know, but i just cant put it into words.

perspectives.

maybe its one word that has been used often in this time and age. what i think differ from what you think, and it is human rights that guards what we think and we are not to impose what we think unto other people and force them to accept it. fair enough... then if that shall govern you. does it govern each person's thoughts, actions and words? so that we will not speak to impose harm on another's emotional and mental harm. we shall not physically harm or indent any physicall damage on another. and we shall just keep our thoughts to ourselves anyway. for what you think is right might not be what is right and ur set and stand of values may just be so different from mine, if you tell me that it is wrong according to your value, to me it may be damaging to my emotional state and hence be already imposing ur values on me. so then what shall our bench mark of right and wrong already be? what our leaders say? that we have very soon to rely on vices for our country to prosper?

please i m only posing questions. therefore not infriging into another person's perspective, but just allowing a freedom of thought over it. but does it by anyway sound warped? does it by anyway sound wrong? or does it by anyway sound evil?

in imperfection, who are we to seek for perfection?

as a partial perfectionist. i dont like it at all. i try to be as lax about it as possible. then people would say that i m not serious and do not put it in much importance. but who then are we to seek for perfection? i was watchin an anime that twin recommended to me, dearS. silent anime. (reason being my blown speakers. -.-) the story goes that the main character of the show as a defect product of the planet that she was from. a made to be slave. thou i havent finished the entire anime, but one part really cut me there. she was a defect and she was to be caught and destroyed. i gave it some thought. if God was like that, then all of us are defects and all of us are dead. and of humans started on their human making (not PROcreating) but stem-cell and all those things that cloning starts. making humans, what if that human was defect? to what extend do we see defect? a person walkin normally down orchard, the best looking hunk in town. is he a defect? or the person who sit with the rest of the childern in SPA or the DSA or the special schools? what are we going to do with them? are they a liability thats why they are defects? i know the answer to that, but search your hearts. why do we always want to play God?

Miracles

by defination: a miracle is something that happens outta the ordinary. is that really true? by any god you believe, a miracle is something that god has given to you. have you ever thought that well since that god thought enough of you, why not just snap his fingers and then say suck all the air out. oxygen carbon whatever, then how are we going to life? oxygen tanks? i spoke to a friend a few days back. e was saying that his waking up everyday is a miracle. please he is not christian. but he had seen the most in life, had lived to almost death encountering moments. if god wants to take your life. why cant he? after all, we dont go good all day, we do bad things too, we lie, protecting others from the truth, hence, infringing on another's right to know. we steal, possessing what others own, be it intellectual or tangable, infringin into someone else's property. we greed. this being has every reason to take our lifes. why doesnt he just do it. and with all the bad that we did. its amazing just how we are to live by everyday.

mickey mouse.

from side to side
my faithful aide

ze si jie, qing wei he wu?

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 1:17 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.