All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Sunday, August 14, 2005

tak un dong

and there's no life apart from You

amidst of all the burning of incense and the jing bang of rituals that the chinese, persay, are doing, my neighbouring block just had a malay wedding. and who said that this month would be one without matrimony? but their malays thou. and they were feasting and celebrating in the midst of all these 'mourning' and whatnot.

anyway, i posted a rather weird post a few days back, think last week? the first day of this whole 'festive' season. its not in the bid to insult anyone, nor in the bid to tell people that you can put your guard down for the devil's not working, i was just being cynical.

and when a old lady comes into the lift, pressing the "1" button which was already pressed, looks at you, haggard, pale, then you put your earphones down, and she starts talkin to you, asking if you were going to work, then repling you were going to church, she askes you if you were christian, (all were done in broken hokkien and chinese) and then she asks if you were heading to the market. its quite a shock, you dont really know what she's talkin about and she doesnt look too well. but i believe she was ok. but i've never seen her in this block before. rofl. it was almost 8 this morning. and it never gave me an uneasy feeling. so well, =)

you're old

mark listened to the songs in my mp3, christian songs, and he exclaimed that i was too old, these songs were old, but they were not, they were just like last year or two years ago, and hello, i listen and still like amazing grace! hahaha..

guess now mummmmm also agrees that i'm old fashioned, i live in the past era, the past century, well well, thats why i scare people. but alas, it doesnt make me any more mature. funny.

sometimes i guess i think too far, i plan too far ahead, and its somewhat scary to find out that after all teh planning, after all the calculations and after all this and that, it might just come to naught, that something else is out there thats better for you, and that God wants for you, sometimes i dont really know what to do next anymore, restrained by my own plans, restrained by my own values and hopes and morals and thoughts, im more bound than a madman. and to forsake these, for my own freedom and fun, i'd rather not, for it is systems and rules that binds me to a lifestyle, and its also a choice to be bound by the system to lead the lifestyle.

who likes to be vulnerable anyway rite?

i hate opening my life, to tell people what i do and why i do things, to tell people what i think, to tell people the intentions of the thoughts. it makes no sense, cos people often judge us by our actions, by the words that we speak, by how we carry ourselves and by how we think. they can then plot and plan as to how to counter each move that you're going to make, to reason why you do something with what you have said, to know your next move. i'd know better.

and when we open ourselves up, we are subjected to scrutiny, to open insults and teases, to many unpleasant things. i wont like it either. but guess sometimes im forced into the situation of circumstance, but we do not know that at times, by opening up, by being vulnerable, we start a chain or transparency between people, between friends. and with this transparency, with love that withholds the faith between friends to be transparent. no plotting, no hideous intent in able to pass any one. and it is tiring to keep up with that transparency, afterall, it takes a lot of time and energy and love. i once used to have such a system between jae and sailow. the 'no secrets' were powerful words and we told each other almost everything that we felt and knew and thought, but then it faded away. however, during that period of time, transparent as we were to each other, we led our own lifes still, and we had fellowship so very often, and it was a really really good period of time of our lifes, all of us were happy, none being hurt, everything was just almost in perfection of Love, and yet, when we left this system, our lives, individually started to crumble down. one after another, quickly, continuous, simultaneous. and when we tried to get back into, we were only hurt and burnt, too burnt to want to try again, with hurt and almost no love, we couldnt sustain anything, we got suspicious of each other we drifted, we parted. we seperated.

and i hope you two do read this, and i hope that for whatever reason that you may come here to read this, i pray that you will see something as i do. though we've drifted, we've gone our far ways, we're not as close as before, we could rely on Love and make this whole circle bigger, greater, and make a difference.

without God there is no Love

funny how people like to play around with words, making good sound no good anymore or uplifting evil, as if its due its worth. without evil, there isnt good. why not say, without good, there is no evil? cos is it impossible that without devil, the is no God. doesnt make logical sense rite? or without humans there is no God. nahh. many the ideology that God is something that is created out of human imagination to answer the inadequacies of mankind, then i beg to differ. God is always there, whether you like it or not, done believe me, when you die, you'll find out. or when you encounter him. So without satan, without the devil, God is still God, he created everything, and he can chose not to create those that would rebel against him, but then he created choice, and ambition, knowing that these would be somehting that one day would turn against him, anyway God had ambition too, save the world and let us worship him by choice rite? so ya, and man created in that image, used that choice, abused that choice and ambition adn added pride to the equation and formed evil, the rebellion against God the creator. so without good there can be no evil. but without evil, the good will remain good, as good is used as a yardstick to what evil and good is. but evil, its not a yardstick to show what good is. its a nature that against God's preordained nature of man. so without God setting what was right, there isnt a way to see what is wrong, God did say do not do this and that, but what is the first and the greated commandment? its to love. and whatever that defies that order of love, is sin, hatred, contempt, lust, anger and the list goes on. love, there can be no hatred, and without good, there can be no evil. without God, there can be no anything. evil isnt as glorious as they uplift it, to birth good, made out to be already?

and thats how its supposed to be made out to be, not the other way around, being warpped by ideologies.

and this is surely not written by mark, for he has no wisdom of such to make something out like that, not within his capacity and he knows it. it must be something else.

look to the stars, see the beauty of the creator

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:35 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.