All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Monday, October 03, 2005

becoming less of a fantasy, and more of a reality
(or maybe)

or maybe im just merely infatuated, or maybe its all a reluctance

i've been meeting up with the ymmers a lot of late. thurs was ah ming's bdae. fri was to send sai low off, sat was at j21. and sunday, met up with some of them at BK, trying to decide on where to head to to wild their time away. immanuel's suggestion came in rather handy for me, to go home and sleep. so i wonder what they did, went fishing in the drain (the big kind) near their house? or what? oh wells, that didnt bother me much. what i can say more so is that, i really do miss that group of people. they are just really different.

i didnt really end off the previous entry. there wasnt a closure. abrupt i guess, and maybe (as someone would say) i dont always have a good closure. i guess im the type of a guy who will start something, see it thru and running smooth and then just move on to something else, or if you do consider that a closure. just like my time in ymm. i started sound mixing, PC took much effort of half (or more) a year to go through in depth with me. after everything, my closure wasnt to move on to another church, to start something there, now, the challenge's over, or i guess the challenge has gotten stale, and i've learnt that its beyond me (after all that i've tried) to change anything else. so its time to move on to a newer challenge and change something else again. or maybe.

sometimes i really wish there could jsut be a system, almost so prefect, that i'd just enter to go with the flow, there wouldnt be a need for me there, just to participate, to follow. i'd be more than happy, its time for me to slack again, anyway, thats what im best at, slack away, im such a bump, sometimes you can wonder how i can ever tolerate what i do. i guess i want to be different.

in this world, who wants to be ordinary? i guess i want to be different, yet at the same time of my 'difference' im trying to be ordinary. in the sense, everyone tries to be different. (or maybe). finding their own style, their own character, and a whole new concept of the world around them, different from others. i dare say i like to be different, i like originality, novelty, what many people has, i dont want it. it beats standing against the crowd than standing with them. its just boring trying to push for a cause that has already been pushed for, that everyone has already taken as their own cause, it just makes no sense in doing so. try pushin a cause that no one likes to push for, that no one finds it glorious to push for. people will hate you for that, people will remember you, for they hate you.

i've a very bad habit, at times, just for the sake of being 'different' i take on a stand really different from whats right. knowing very well, i take the stand that no one takes (or maybe), and play devil's advocate, and being good at that. i do not condone such causes, but place a different view to someone else. just to be different. but then not believing in the cause of which i stand for. its ridiculous to sell something that you do not believe in, its even more ridiculous to auction for it. (or maybe)

being ordinary, we dont want to be ordinary, thats why we have super heros, superman, batman, spiderman. its evident that we all aspire to attain 'super powers' just like them, to accredit our status as heros. so watch underdog shows, we watch romance, each of the main characters as our heros, for they did something great and one day, we would (want) to be like them. (or maybe)

but ever wondered why spiderman kept his face under mask? ever wondered why clark kent never said that he was superman and hid under his nerd speks? ever wondered why batmat always operated in the boredom with his rubber suit?
they all, all, wanted to live like ordinary humans, living everyday, as ordinary as they can, so that they do not have to always live up to their superhuman roles every second of the day. they too, want to be ordinary. they too wanted to participate in the events of life, they too wanted to be part of a community of normality. (or maybe)

"the sky's the limit" as some people say. i beg to differ (yet again). i believe that there IS something that is beyond the sky, and thats where the limit is, not being technical, that there is a galaxy and universe, but the sky is just but a boundary. i believe that people have the potential to reach for things that are beyond this sky, that are able to reach for possibilities that had long seem to have extinct. but for me, i dont see a point in doing so, reaching the unreachable, or so they say. when there are already things within the reachable, within the nearest of ourselves. within ourselves that we are already unable to understand and reach for. to clarify within, to clarify without. if we are already unable to accomplish what we were made to do, then why do we even try to accomplish what we were not intended of?

thats why you're so great
or maybe

p.s: to whom it may concern, thanks for the inspiration on the theme ordinary, it started me thinkin for a while.

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 2:19 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.