All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Friday, February 17, 2006

dreams bring us back to reality

reality is pretentious. a paradox isnt it?

zhou gong is one effecient worker. just when i complained. he did his job.

"mummy, was i borned to be a girl?"

valentine's day was, lets say, nice. people that i know if i never met, i'd never be able to feel loved. and i spent it with these people. and not forgetting the gruelling time i had at coffee bean studying. a subject that was so dry, i told my friend that it would dehydrate me from all intelligence and i'd die chokin on it. i read from the beginning to the end of what was tested. nothing went it. NOTHING! oh wells. but after that time, all was well. i had my fun, my laughter, my smiles. it sure was an enjoyable time. for more info, pics and what not, twin has it in her blog. haha... oh oh.. and i wish i could learn a new skill again. like, when is my beginner's luck coming? hahaah... oh well. rah, you have learnt well.. proud of you! hahaha...

ah wells, wednesday was BADDDDDD... like totally bad. i dont feel like expounding on it. but it was just bad.. bad bad bad... there were somethings that should have happened. there were some things that we a result of others, and there were also some things that didnt happen the way it should have. oh wells.

but i had supper with my family that night. but that was already considered thursday. like thursday morning. went for satay cause my dad had the urge to eat that. someone commented that my dad was like some pregnant person who longs to eat certain food. hahaha.. some family friend lah.. so yeah.. that was a good part of the day. reached home like 1230.. but i guess it was worth the travel and all.. had to spend some time with my family. ((:

i'd like the way i m when i dont like you.

oh gosh i'd prove to you that i've got a cursed teeshirt that i'd sadistically don myself with. its this really nice funny teeshirt that has this "this really sucks" tagline on it. and really, each time i wear it, shit happens. and its not like one or two shit, like everything is shit. or there'd be one REALLY big shit that happens. now i'm wondering if i should just shelf it and never touch it again, but its a nice teeshirt. ahhhh....!

its been an enjoyable day, but i still need more intoxicant.

i'm really glad that i had met up with teeseven today after almost eternity that we had such a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg group. thanks char and teee!!!! well done people. its been enjoyable, every moment of it. just sorry for my sloppy mood that might have been really worrying for that moment. ((: but thanks anyways!

was glad to have met peeeeee!!! she was like (being missed) missing for ever! and if she ever reads this still.. please do reply to smses. was glad to see xiuf also... hahaha.. and everyone else lah... was really glad. like totally glad.. by far the biggest gather we have had since a year? mmm.. for a teeseven lah.. oh wells. i guess new blood and absense does make things get better? hahaha.. i'm just outta this, im just tired (uncle) that would want to participate and not involve myself with all the organising anymore.

but why marche?

i guessed we had enough memories there. marche, but i really dont know what to eat there anymore. or maybe im just more of a hawkercenter ~~(uncle)~~ kid.haha.. ohoh, and for the first very time, after being annoyed by the fact that i had perpetually waited an hour for people gathering after gathering, i was the last to arrive, and to me, and at least twin, i felt that i've had been kind being only half an hour late lor. what more, it wasnt my fault, there suddenly was a pour at my place (where no one else stays) which caused me leaving late, and the bus driving slowly due to wet slippery floors. hahaha... oh wells, thanks for waiting thought. but.....

i felt no remorse for it whatsoever.

before i declare what i drank today, i would like to proudly proclaim that i have been a good boy and didnt drink alot during cny period. sustaining only THREE cans of beer through the FIFTEEN days of cny, and not drinking for the last TWO OVER WEEKs, i've really cut down on my carbo intake from beer and its likes. alcohol intake has been reduced and i have to keep to it.

ok today, i didnt drink alot. and i cant rmb what i drank, so lets forget about it. ((:

me not liking you does not amount to me hating you, me still loving you.

how do dreams bring us back to reality?

as we look at reality, scornfully, we say, you liar.

reality, the truth, the now, the real things that are happening. real, and yet fake, and yet lies, where in reality, these are but facades, but in reality, what is facades when realities are facades and facades are in reality? what then is real? what then is the truth, what then are lies? what then are we to trust in, to believe in? reality?

so are we in dreams of realities or in reality, we are in dreams?

for in dreams we feel the pain that hurts more than in reality, we feel that love more than we have in reality, we feel the joy that is void in reality. and in dreams we fall in love, in dreams we cry and die, but in reality, do they really happen? its such a pity that you are more real to me in dreams, but yet are so far and distant in reality.

how is it that a man could work against the social norm, and prove himself different yet better and love more than anyone else?

gods are present only to prove one thing, there is a void in the human heart that is searching for a god like 'thing' that only such a character could fill. if, by means of discussion, that with technology has now advanced and there is no need for a god to be present, and that the void is a logical void to explain the things that we are unable to explain, then with the advancement of technology, with the upgrading of lifestyle. why is it that people still do seach for a higher lifeform trying to fill that void within them for the happiness that is unattainable. but yet they are looking for a joy, for a sense of love, for that void to be filled by a god. this only comes to prove that humans were made to seek for a god to fill that emptiness within them, and in this search find the real true God, in which is able to fill that void in them, to give them contentment, joy and love. but in this search many get lost within the gods of their wealth, not realising that they are just trying to fill that void with things, and never being contented, never being truely joyful, never knowing what it meant to be loved, for in materiality, such things are foreign, such things do not exist at all. and in finding that God, human tend to take for granted Him, His love, His peace, Him just being Him, hence losing themselves to the world, to materiality, to their own self-indulgence, to a lostness and emptyness. think about it will you?

the degeneration of the human mind is caused by one thing. self indulgence, or self centeredness. the degeneration of the human soul is self delusion, and the degeneration of the human spirit is himself.

if all day we think about ourself and how we'd enjoy ourselves. dont you think that you'd only be thinkin for the very ONE person on this earth? and that all your thoughts would be centered only about one person? things being written, said and done, (coming from the mind) be only for one person and not for the other billions on this earth? hasnt the mind just become very tiny and minute as compared to the wholeworld while being not used for the common good but for the personal gain?

with the morals being tested, as we delusion ourselves, saying that its ok, saying that its alright. its that degrading ourselves, its that the destruction of our soul? the thing, in human terms, decides whats right and wrong in this world. doesnt lying to ourselves make things easier off our chest, doing it over and over again to desensitise ourselves, just to say that its ok and there isnt a problem with that, what a delusion we have brought ourselves into.

and now the destruction of the spirit only comes when we ourselves reject the very thing that gives is the spirit, we ourselves are the destruction to the core of our human lifeform, the thing that seperates us from the rest of the creatures. the spirit. and yet we destroy his spirit by putting ourselves out as animals, practicing the ways of the animals in many things. take the discovery channel song for example. we are the ones that start to put overselves first, then telling ourselves that such evilness are acceptable (afterall who governs over them?) and then finally destroy the very epicenter of our life form of our very difference, of our distingush status of human-ness.

too lazy to to go gbook to reply or say anything. so....

twin and all the rest waiting for results: hey hey... not later not later... hahahaha.... wheeee!!! m happy that its not also.. will be able to celebrate twin's bday and get the news after my paper... at least.. if its the 3rd even better still right? hahahaha... ((:

xiuf: yes you'd better heart the gbook, you set it up. hahaha.. and no dont change the color of yours lah.. its nice itself already. and no, i seldom write with angst lah.. ok yeah maybe in recent times, due the me being disappointed time and again by people, and well, like there are a few, or a considerable about that are happy entires lor.. ((: im over happy.

note:there IS a gbook, link is somewhere on the page lah... okok twits, third one from the bottom. ((: its not for me, really, its to voice your opinions, to scold me, to say your piece, to aiya appreicate someone for her hardwork to do it up also. (i've run out of excuses to HAVE a gbook so it stops there)

small's the matter; size matters, an obsessions.
am i being too selfcentered?

if you've reached reading the whole thing till here.. well dont i commend you on your patience, but i think you were lost somewhere right? ((:

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 2:19 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.