All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

weather wise, its such a lovely day

(sunday mornings)
well done parents, you have grown yourself a generation of SISSY boys. spoilt girls and ruin future.

to begin with, i have absolutely no problem with kids, all i want to do when they irritate me real bad is to hang them upside down and make them puke their intestines out so much, they'd be (i'm trying hard NOT to use this word) conditioned in never EVER think of doing that same irritating brainless act again.

on public buses, you'd see a 'funfare' of events, with crazy people to bloody lazy danged up children.

i was on the bus while seeing this mother standing with her son (sissy, ~~puss~~)sitting down. he was probably about P4? somewhere there. and that fatass was sitting, ok its a common sight that at that age your parents would want you to sit and they stand. BUT THIS BRAT HAD HHIS MOTHER CARRY HIS DAMN BLOODY BAG AND FILE AND EVERYTHING ELSE WHILE SHE WAS STANDING AND HE WAS SITTING COMFORTABLY LOOKING AROUND AS IF ITS THE RIGHT DAMN THING TO DO. and do you know whose fault that is? HIS MOTHER'S! whats with having to carry his bag for him still? whats with all that pampering? what stunt his growth? oh gosh please, spare that kid, his growth has already been stunted with the things that she does, teaches and feeds him with. poor kid.

how do you stop your heart from falling in love?

i'd tell people. i've got a weak heart, please dont scare me. the first part's quite true, i've got a weak heart, that disappoints me so much each time, time and again.

i honestly hate mood swings. as much as i hate other's i hate my own. the flux in my mood, but somehow when its at its low, it doesnt anytime seem to come up. "i'll just sleep it away"

in the willows of mellows where the fellows never below, the seemingly black of perpetually whiteness never convincingly proves fairly. no amount in pound or wads can amplify my thoughts in clarity to dots.

if you can define my thought trail and state of mind while typing whats above. i'll treat you to something good. at least 5buckeroos and above.

anyway that was a good spit.. it got me ok again. ugh.. but i guess its time for me to sleep. for some reason, i'm just not lookin forward to tmr, i shant want to spill anything out lah. and i know there are people who are reading this and i dont want to alarm them. something like that already happened btw me and my shifu.. not very good ah.. heh..

(monday mornings)

i missed doing the things that i loved to.

i used to like going to sch, sounds weird i know, when i was in that stage, i didnt dare admit it, but the fact that i'd just automatically jump out of bed at 530 and then everything with two eyes closed done, automated. the fact that i could reach sch as early as 650 on certain days and was never caught for being late, sent for detention for it at least. this morning as i sat studying, waking at 4 (thank God i did) it was rather weird as it neared 530, and when it passed 530, i had this sudden urge to actually change into my uniform and go to sch. and i felt really sad when i stared at my notes, it was something that was soooooo dry, that i soooooo hated to do. i really do miss doing subjects, attending lessons of which i would enjoy, even with the fear of cf, with the tremendous stress we faced with results. (not as if the results parts isnt there, but the stress is -i dont know how- gone. and at 6, with the mosque from msia playing its prayers, that all so familar sound that i'd hear every morning. i'd wish i'd never ever leave that place to move on to another institution or much less. but for now, i've got to go back to my studying, with the songs playing on my list that can so effect me with the all so familiar reminding sounds of secondary school. could anyone understand my misery? no, they'd say that im blessed to be able to study, they'd say im blessed to be doing a good course. its like giving a beggar sharksfin knowing that he'd just puke all of it out later, cos his stomach rejects such delicacies. well, we all have our own perspectives.

(tueday mornings)

if i'd give you my hand to hold, IF i'd ever do it.

i like stories without an ending. i hate fairytale endings, they just seem too lost in the world that would start me dreaming. i hate bad endings, where it'd leave me really lost in reality. i just like where it hangs there by itself. where i could expound, there isnt really any 'right' ending to it sort of thing, and come up with any ending for it. i like stories where they show that the ending's not THE most important thing. but the course of how the whole thing proceeds onto develop, the way it shows the the importance is in the way the story is written, the lessons learnt from it, what the writer is trying to tell us, what are his points that are being brought across. maybe thats why i liked the book so much. by the way. i finished Brave New World already. quite slow i gather. but i should be reading it again, some parts i was falling asleep on the bus and reading it. not that the book was boring, just that i was really tired.

by the way people. happy valentine's day.

how unfanthomable the human heart is.

i'm enjoying everybit of my singlehood. (:

im so looking forward to later.

so long, farewell... i'll sing it for you the next time.. i cant remember it now..

the sweet taste of freedom

ps: quite a distraughted post, and i do find it inadequate to a certain extend, and i find it rather weird cos its distraughted, but anyhoos, i'm just going to post it up for now and just hope that i'd come up with something better soon just to overlap this post of inadequacy. (:

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 2:10 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.