All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

i want to wake up where you are,
i wont say anything at all

and those lyrics brings back memories of nights studying over at iggy's.

i'm sorry, but feeling a little melancholic now. maybe its cos i'm a little tired, and to add in the boredom, and to add in how much we dont really like the circumstances we're in, we always tend to look back into reminiscence and go "i want that back!"

but even after i've blinked a million and one times, things doesnt seem to change and i dont seem to go back into time. well, my shirt still looks as rugged as it was the moment ago at least.

i really miss campus life, i think eventhough my course may be a 'prestige' course, i've gone through it as if it was just any other course. maybe my priorites. and maybe its just how i view results in poly now.

as i was thinking, the last time i ever did look forward to a wednesday and say "midweek!" halfway down! and then dread a sunday nights as it would be a monday the next, and have to wake up at 0530 was in secondary sch, when cf (clement f) were to overwhelm us with his aura of fear and then paralyze us with that glare through his eyes and then smoke us with a smile, so poisonous an act.

and now i'm looking to tmr and say, yeah! wednesday! weekend coming soon (i'm that desperate for a weekend away from work), and then looking at sunday nights and hoping that it'll last forever.

at least it was only when i had to rush reports out that i stayed up for one night till 4 am (or maybe two, depending on the module), or at least when i'm studying for exams, it would be fun at iggy's with people to nuah with first, or that stupid emo me that would just cheong through the notes like a bull. at least it wasnt every morning of waking at 530 and when i had to stay up, i'd make sure that it would be a late morning the next day, or i'd just not sleep, planning the following day to actually sleep through or something. there was less monotony and more variety to life then. there was a choice to make at which what time i'd wake up.

its not the environment that i dont like, its not the people. its the job, its the whole entire lifestyle that i dread, i'm too young to be living such a life, not before i enlist at least, where monotony is at its epitome! that routine life, that regimental lifestyle. but thats when i do not belong to myself. i belong to the state.

and why do we go for attachment? to find out (late) what you actually really DO NOT WANT TO DO. if it was two months, just for the experience, to dirty our hands, i wouldnt mind (to think of it, i would already be over and done with my attachment!) but nooooo.. its five months, and doing what? i have no idea! for the next three months, i dont really know what i'm going to be looking forward to, there's nothing much.

but there's a bright side to it isnt it? as i look at those with a month left, they really have started to step down in terms of attitude and taken a back seat, and i'm sure i'd really be slack after new year, there's always this holiday mood that overflows from xmas and new year right? and then for the month of jan, and then i'd finish my attachment. woooohoooo...

but i'm rather glad i'm not doing any academic things this year too (see i dont only grouse ok? i look at it two ways lor). with the academic calendar rather screwed this semester. and having the holiday mood over flow into a short one month term. its going to be a torment for me just to pick up again, to get my engine going, and with what i was doing last semester, and the thought of placing it into this semester, i actually do pity those in the other classes.

did i tell you my supervisor was thinking of sending me back to NP, to terminate the attachment, or to sack me? he loved me too much to do it. hahaha.. no lah, was cos of my asthma relapse, that he started to worry, and with me not being overed by company insurance, if anything was to happen, he wouldnt feel too good about it lah, so he was asking me to consider and monitor my condition. the week after he said that, (this week lah), my asthma was gone, my sinus IS GONE! my voice is back, but still a little sore (yes drink more water), and i'm as alive as any other time. i'm just really tired this week, and i'm not too sure why. i'm sleepy and exhausted, ugh...

iggy attributed the sinus to the alcohol that went into our noses. he said that he had sinus for a week immediately after that night. and i think my body (as retarded as it is) only worked up like 4 days later and sinus coming. how retarded can it get?

how we got alcohol (absolut vodka) up our noses was an exciting story. but i shant want to type it out here. isnt going to be too good for me, makes me feel like going back to train again. but the feeling of alcohol up your nose, into your eyes and ears isnt a good feeling, but well, its quite an exciting feeling though (no you dont want to feel it, it wont get you high, it would really wake you up, which was to the disadvantage of the next person that we took down).

i'd really very much want to leave this post like that, simple and nice. at least it doesnt stain any brains out there, and someone wont say "i just cant understand you lit students" (dont turn them against you, they start speaking robert frost to you and you'll cryyyyy)

and so i'll allow it to remain as such, dont want to spoil it right?

the things i miss, the things i long, the things i yearn, the people, the times, the attitudes.

it wasnt my change
it was just you who didn't

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:47 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.