All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Saturday, December 16, 2006

the train ride (love) affair

love is such a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg word

FIFth DEC!
two comments about me, that i find so so so so so funny, well i do say i dont really know myself well, like i'm such a slacker yet such a perfectionist behind the mixer. but these two comments are really cute. i dont know if i should take it as a compliment or insulting. but i'll just take it as a compliment.

"he's too young for me"

"this guy really must have no life man"

the young one, that, i was almost lost for words, dont know to laugh until i fall off the chair or to cry until i get dehydrated, and please the person who said that, i was just altogether joking about it. do you think i'm really that into it? ok fine, anyways none of you would read this, -.-

the no life one, i'd love to nodd my head in agreement to it, sometimes i'd rather have such a mundane life than to have it exciting, and so hard to pass. maybe we'd define excitement differently then, but still, it was quite a good one anyways. no worries.. i'm pass it.. ((:

today...... (or so you may say)
ok i've left this post hanging for quite a while. a long while enough, and there's quite a bit thats in my head right now, or maybe the past few days, and i dont know where i'd want to start with. it hasnt been too bad this while, it hasnt been spectacular, just particularly tiring and packed. altogether, i'd say that its draining, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. i'd not know where'd this all would end. and as i look towards the end of the year, i dont know what to make out of it; fearfully or in anticipation. the year to come would also be another story altogether, another chapter, another uncertainty, while i'd walk wished to walk with my eyes closed, i'd wish they were really closed. but i shant talk about such sad things right now, i shant want to sent anyone into a emotional roller coaster, bringing anyone through the thought of how YOUR year ahead might just be, just one question: how badly do you want to see yourself through the year that you think you want to live it by?

pee, me, and a day of i miss her. (shhh.. dont tell nobody)

while others see care and concern, others see control and intrusion of space. while one sees freedom and act of self perservation, another is hurt, harmed, discouraged, stumbled, in pain. but why dont you see the other side, why dont you see the love poured out, the prayers prayed, the tears shed, why dont see you the blood bled on for you? why do you put yourself so high up when you know that all you can do is hurt yourself even more? i wonder why too... one, who has tasted the sweetness of His love, one who has seen His miraculous hands, why dont you want it back now? are you ashamed of yourself? dont you know He is never ashamed of you?

i'm in loooooooooveeeeeee (you can tell that to the whole world)

if by throwing a shit pile on me and you feeling better about yourself after which, by all means go ahead, but if by doing so doesnt change anything, then i'd ask you, is that what you call loving me at all?

and the object of love cost 159! O.O (HINT HINT)

so my grandma, aunt and cousins have arrived. however, before i can start on them, and due to it, a whole saga started. the sentimentalism aids not the spring clearing.

if you actually know how my room looks like, there WAS this corner where papers were stuffed in and stuffed in and stuffed in, those were mainly letters, notes and letters and then some other junk that sometimes someone would just shuff it in as there's already a pile there. that is one very pile of papers i so do not like looking into, its brings back the sense of reminiscient, it shouts out regrets, disappointments and all the not so good things. while one could (think that i could) look at them and smile at all those times then, i can only look at the current situation in dismay. and with all these sadness, you may ask, why not just dump them all away? the very word, sentimentalism. it is very emotionally draining going through all those, althought at one i laughed quite hard at, where someone went piting my wife.. it wasnt too happy moments that i could try to remain 'happy'.

what made it worse was that i was packing my room at 1+ in the morning, and that morning i didnt really have much rest that was intended. hence, with the aready very drained body and mind, adding on to this emotional drainage, it was quite an experience. i hate packing my room, really.

so now they're here. and i'm soaking tired, havent really had much sleep of late, rest and time by myself.

and i wish i could just whisper sweet nothings into your little ears.

here is a poem inspired by a picture that is hung in the underpass linking citylink to the esplanade.

a framed whiteness
a wooden frame,
seeming glorious gold,
without a name
where is its fame,
a plain blank,
not a yes or no,
or even an i dont know.

now purity framed
in silence indignified
guiltlessly hung
for all the world to see

blankly the world would stare
without a clue what was there
for it was foolishness to the wise
an empty frame alike to buy

spat at and defiled by Man
dust and erroded paint
it held there, for Man
the Artist looked away painfully
for it was the purpose of the blank

would it ever retain its glory
its honor when it was first pure
the uncompariable whiteness it shone
not being limited by the cursed wood?

when?

- them

thats the price he paid, whats the price you pay?

this is going to be a really busy month, sounds fun, sounds, funn.. yeah.....

19th!!!

the rain makes me think, think of pee... shh... x_x

the heart flutters so much, you never know when the butter comes

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:59 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.