All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Sunday, July 22, 2007

the art of speechlessness

the contemplation of the inherently confused soul

however knowing how much the both of us wouldnt be any more or less bothered by this issue, i'd still like to clarify it. why being so? that is just but one of my principles. and it doesnt anywhere be near warranting me to explain my actions.

i'm not in love with twin. all i can say is. i love my twin, and that is enough to compel me to certain actions and decisions. and i'm sure rah loves twin too. (:

i deeply and sincerely apologise for this very long absense. its been hard on me, you know, not saying anything, not blogging, not thinking. or maybe everything's been almost the same, there wasnt much to blog about, or there wasnt anything new that would spark anything new to blog about. the above statements were made on the 7th of july of 2007. and interestingly, i didnt want to have a post with the date 070707. uh huh.. but i'm just me, right? (:

but rather, after reading blogs og conscious gibberish. i'd always like to reply, and this one, a special one. cos the previous one, the urge was there, but the brains and heart wasnt and therefore it came to nothing. this one only came to one conclusion, maybe its like summary.

absense is just a matter of expectations.

expectations would bring a fore-perception of something, and therefore bring about a 'something is not there' feeling, or the absence of someone. even like waiting for a particular person, if the person is not appearing, it doesnt bring about the non-existence of a person, but more so the absense of the person, or that something missing. so in short, (cos the frame of mind is dying off at this time with too many things screaming for my attention!) absence is an expectation, of which something forecasted is not happening, which, may or may not be of existence.

healing from something is the acknowledgement of its existence and therefore finding the remedy to it, its not in supressing, nor hiding, for only the sick would know what to eat and not to eat, and with that only being able to self medicate; only the sick would see the doctor for advice, a doctor doesnt heal, he doesnt have the power. only God, or if you dont believe, then your antibodies, yeah.

not mattering

honestly, it wasnt a good night out. maybe after too much ministries and going deep into lives and topics and everything else, superficiality wasnt any much more my kinda thing. only esotericsm, which in many sense isnt superficiality, but more so even deeper. i guess although it was just superficial, it brought to rememberance and refreshing this part of me, well, we always need to be superficial at times, and just cracking jokes and enjoying ourselves.

but those, even my close friends can do, and those are like those that i go deep into lives with and yet just sitting somewhere, relax and killing time and just slacking away. with that, i find it even more than meaningful. "what so horrible about silence?" is always the matter with people, it gives space for another person to think, to be there, to justlet the silence fill the air. though ironic it may be, but its true.

success is like beauty, its in the eye of the beholder.

"where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matt6:21, Luke12:34. i know that these are taken from the Bible, but dont you think it also applies to many of our lives. success, there is what many people ask these days; if you money is whats impt, then making loads of it would be deemed your success; if pleasure and enjoyment, then so it follows. nurturing a kid, making him someone contributing to the society, this will be another. this differs from person to person, it is not limited to the worldview of societal affirmation. however, what is happyness? i'd choose the y letter due to the show that was screen in march.

happyness is but an emotion dictated by the surrounding circumstances, therefore, it changes and fluctuates to its arch-enemy sadness and anger. and even if there is such a thing as optimism, the extreme case of that, would be denial. living in denial is like living life as if you were never borne, hence, creating an imaginary image of oneself's situation and then hoping to feel better due to that. another form of that is hoping into the uncertainty. therefore, it would be laying expectations into the non-existent (yet, or ever).

and therefore its where you find your meaning of life from, as i am so going to repeat, its your treasure, when you found the meaning of life, treasure is found. i can say that i almost found my meaning, its now in the living it out and the fully committing myself to it hence deriving my JOY from it. i so shouldnt use the word committing, rather i would say INDULGE myself and dive into it fully. well i found my success point, its not in how the world would deem success, its not how the world would deem sanity. i'm insane nonetheless, whats new darlings?

have you found your joy factor?

so what then is success? its what you know it to be?

things havent been the smoothest of things, and yet at the same time, thing have been rather great, rather exhilarating, exciting, God has been good over all. and that, i cant deny any bit of it. i would say that i'm not in a fantasy, or am i deceiving myself with human reactions, emotions and perceptions, in response to tings happening in my life. when i look at my life, its quite hard to actually believe that things happen by chance or coincidence, its a proof i have to actually show that there is a god, a higer being, and this God really proves to me what Love is. there is nothing seriously brainwashing me; do you think i'm that easily manipulated? i've got to experience this myself before i can actually trust, this is more than feelings and emotions. (:

thanking the people God has sent into my life to encourage me, to affirm me, to challenge me, to spurr me on, to keep me in the faith, to keep me in church. haha.. thank you!

the people that knows what and knows not.

revenge oh sweeten revenge.

thank God for sending rain, when i needed it soooo badly (: cold's my thing.

hi crazy friend who's been going thru my entire archives, feel free to sign the guestbook, link's found at the side of the page, left... ----> hehe..

i'm a stalker..

she makes me seek God more

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 12:30 AM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.