All i Ever Want To Do iS Worship . . .

Thursday, June 25, 2009

sweet i eat, bitter, i also eat.

for this isn't what Love is, and i know, i don't Love, for i dont seek Love Himself to dorn me with His cloak of Love daily, to get through the day. and if it is not this Love, then i'd rather not have, and so would you.

生命的話語

主每一日對我說話
Speak to me, my Lord Jesus
生命的話語
I need Your words of life
顯明　心親愛聖靈
Reveal to me, Holy Spirit
教我生命之道
Teach me Your ways of life
開我眼使我看見
Touch my eyes so I can see
提昇我的靈使我歡唱
Lift my soul so I can sing again
的話使我能再次擁有新的生命
Say the words so I can live again just by Your words
我需要　我需要　　生命的話語
Speak to me, speak to me, I need Your words of life

- 讚美之泉‧最珍貴的角落

simplification

sometimes the most beautiful things are in the simplest things of life. sometimes, the most beautiful things, are just made up of the simplest things. its in the matter of how one puts simple things together, the most basic things together, to create something thats unique and different, and yet good for the common folk. take music for example, the most famous songs aren't really those that are made of weird chords and the fastest plucking or shredding, but take a look at the evergreen songs from our parent's time that even the street mat-rockers today are able to play and still listen to.

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we tried
There are some things in this life
Won't be denied
Won't be denied

and no matter how many times i try, and you try, we push away, and we push hard, and as much as i push, each time i cant see myself away from you long enough to stay that far. maybe, there is, something, that is always bringing me back to you, and i still will stand on my words, words, which sometimes i'm so tired to even want to remember, haunt me, and make me not want to shift, change or waver.

這種感覺太親厚　
講一千句也不夠　
假使講了你聽到後　
或會走　
這種戀愛太罕有
不須真正擁有
...
其實我絕非愛得不夠

and in these few days, i learnt, that i dont love enough, no i dont. as i relive days, days solitude and alone, i start to remember, and long for them more, they were, as everyone would say, so much easier, so much simpler, but i guess simple and easy, they arent something that i look for. how i'm here, not cause i'm lookin for hard and complicated, but because i know, it'll be worth actually.

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

"i should be left in some facility for the weird people who will do mroe harm than the weird people who people avoid"

is it really hard to be different? or is it really hard to be normal, its a question people ask themeselves sometimes when they wake up in the morning, and they say its something that everyone faces, something like identity crisis - they just cant fit in, somehow, they cant just be like everyone else, or they cant just be like the special person they want to be like, they disappear.

what about those who dont disappear, or what about those who are different, yet, they can fit into society so seamlessly, ok maybe not seamlessly, but, there is the acceptable level of weirdness, but still, the amount that people know you're different, the level where you create more danger than that weirdo who MIGHT do something when he's just taking a stroll at your void deck. not the terrorist weird, just the weirdness. ugh.

And there we'll find our home,
Our life before the throne;
We'll honor Him in perfect song
Where we belong.
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
As thirst and hunger die.
The Lamb becomes our Shepherd King;
We'll reign with Him

as i was doing bible study with CFers yesterday, i was brought to a point about God's patience or better placed, long suffering, this point was not explicitly talked about during the whole BS, but it just jumped out at me like it was meant for me. the amount of patience Jesus had for his disciples was beyond anything measurable, miracles upon miracles, to let His disciples know that He was God, and yet, they didnt get it, and He just repeated Himself in different ways, and as we read on till the end, even after He died, they still didnt get it.

and imagine how many times we repeat ourselves, and yet, some people just dont get what you are saying, and even saying it to their faces, they just dont get it, however, this is patience, to say it again, and again, no matter how many times it takes you, no matter how much energy, no matter how disappointed you feel, no matter how angry you become, you have to calm yourself down, and still repeat, and remind, and say it all over again, with a smile sometimes, and in different methods.

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win!

I can see where this is going
Tears will fall and hearts will break
Love's a game we all must play
So dry your eyes and be on your way
As for me
I'll be okay

so dont worry, i guess i'll be as okay as i can be, no matter how. (:

Your unfailing Love

when the darkness fills my senses
when my blindness keeps me from your touch,
Jesus come

When my burden keeps me doubting
when my memories take the place of you
Jesus come

And I'll follow you there
to the place where we meet
and I'll lay down my pride
as you search me again

Your unfailing love, your unfailing love,
your unfailing love over me again
(repeat chorus)
(repeat the whole song through)

- Hillsong, By your side.

and i asked myself, so what is self-control, is it the ability to control myself to the point of reactions and emotions, to control my thoughts, to control how i talk. to control my being, to the point of a facade, that i am in control of an outer layer of my being, and even if the inner person is in turmoil, as long as the outer being looks at if its in control, isnt that self control. emotions are natural, they cant be controlled, its how we think, what we say, and what we do, these are the most important. a thought process leads to what we say and do, intentions are part of a thought process, and we can filter out what we want to filter and not use that as part of a motive anymore.

yesh, i sigh, and i wait, and i sigh, and i wait, but, we have to wait upon the Lord, and then our strength will be renewed.

i know what i'm waiting for, but i still dont know why i am.

甜的吃，苦的也吃
tim tek haek, fu dek ya haek.

MarkSae, Da-jie Bid Goodbye at 11:45 PM

i.S. t.h.i.S. t.h.e. e.n.d. o.R. t.h.e. S.t.a.R.t.